Emotionality, My Dear Abbie
by Because-I-love-to-write
Summary: The emotional fallout of a missing Abigail Mills. Ichabie. Major Angst, needed after the mid season (3) finale.


It was day fourteen and Jenny was declaring a state of emergency. After all they had been through; the thought of losing her sister to a damned tree was unthinkable. It had been two weeks straight from hell for the younger Mills sister.

The fluctuation between guilt, anger, despair, and everything else in between had her on the brink. Being so absorbed in her own pain did not mean she ignored what was happening with the remaining Witness however.

Ichabod Crane did not slow his steady charge. He had been burning the candle at both ends since the moment Abbie walked into the tree and did not walk back out. He gave no outward sign of emotionality when he made his sure steady descent back to Jenny and Jo after the explosion.

When asked where Pandora and her apparent lover were he gave an almost indifferent response of "no longer here." Jenny was unsure of the logistics of that response but gave little thought to it as she was still firmly in the clutches of shock.

Now, however, with Jo's steady support and presence she was beginning to realize that while she may have found a mote of control over her warring emotions, the man before her had not.

He was disheveled, rigid, gaunt and ghostly pale. These signs were the only ones to indicate he had experienced a significant trauma. The way he spoke was even more clipped and professional in verbiage. Jenny never thought she would see the day in which Crane's rambles about modern American society would be sorely missed. And yet, here it was. Here _he_ was, but it seemed as if the man was in another world all together.

He stood, arms braced wide on the table in front of him, gaze fixed to the four different tomes spread out before him. As Jenny watched him she noted that he appeared to be barely breathing, movement down to a minimum. For a moment she wondered if his arms braced on the table were the only thing holding him up.

"You look like hell." Direct was her go-to response.

"As I am sure we all do at this time." His gaze never wavered from the books before him.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Pardon my curt words, but why would that be a concern of yours?" His eyes were sharp, an icy blue that was a great contrast to his normally warm azure eyes.

"Look... We'll find her Crane but you need to take a break. You're no good-"

"I will take a break, Miss Jenny, when your sister is returned to us. Only then shall I rest." His tone brooks no argument. Jenny never was good with authority.

"That's not fair. I've been looking for her just as much you have but you have to sleep. You have to _eat something_. Take care of yourself Crane! Abbie said-"

"Your sister is not here. A fact I am endeavoring to rectify. Perhaps it would be swifter in coming to fruition if you and Master Joe could drag yourselves away from the other-"

"OKAY! That's _it_! You've been an asshole for _weeks_ now and I know you care about Abbie but she said to take care of each other. So this, right here, this is me trying to take care of you!"

He stood to his full height eyes sharper still. They had shifted however, before they were like ice but now, now they were fire.

"Do not evoke her words. She has made her choice and now I am making mine." Acid dripped from his tone searing Jenny where she stood. A furious pang of anger surged through her and she took a step forward, now inches from the Englishman.

"DONT YOU DARE TRY AND BLAME THIS ON HER!" Her voice was loud, echoing off the walls. Crane towered over her with a menacing air.

"All that has occurred post her sacrifice is, indeed, on her shoulders!"

"How could you say that?! She sacrificed herself to save us all!"

"She has saved me from nothing!" It seemed his anger was responding to hers, his face growing into a near sneer as he came toe to toe with the youngest of the Mills sisters.

"FUCK YOU! Just because you didn't get to play hero-"

"That is what you believe?! That it is blight on my _pride_ that drives me thus?"

"Apparently! Because you didn't get the glory this time you get pissed at Abbie?!"

"That is in no manner the reason for my response!"

"Then what the issue?!"

"I have no obligation to present a reasoning behind-"

"What the fuck is your problem?! What could she possibly have done that has you like this!" He turned away, shaking his head, fists clenched but kept silent. "Answer me you bastard!"

" _SHE DAMNED ME_!" It was more a roar than spoken words. He spun around so fast, face betraying more emotion than Jenny had ever witnessed on the man. His composure gone as he finally cracked under her pressure. His body shook, almost vibrating with energy. Those blue eyes of his were wide and filled with a wild look Jenny had seen before in desperate men. He trembled with white hot rage, panic painting lines of stress and anxiety. The Ichabod that stood before her was broken in ways the youngest Mills sister could scarcely comprehend.

"Ichabod-"

"She has chosen to condemn me to a life without her. I have chosen to amend that decision. Everything I have done, and will continue on to do, will be because of her decisions. So do not tell me that my actions are not born from her mistakes." He turned then. Arms braced once again on the table in front of him. Eyes red rimmed as the anger leeched from his face.

Jenny took a step back and observed him in a different light. She no longer looked at him as a man who lost his partner or friend; she viewed him as a man who had just lost the woman he loved. Things spoke to her as she took him in this time. The shake in his hands were not from weariness, they were from fear. The hunch of his shoulders born from understanding of the stakes of this endeavor, not fatigue and his eyes, god how did she miss that?

Anguish pure and true shone in his eyes. The type of which drove lesser people to madness. Pain, terror and desperation poured from him like a broken facet. He was staring down the barrel of a gun, she realized. A life without Abbie would be no life at all. She was not just his fellow Witness, his roommate, his best friend. She was his everything.

"You love her." He looked up, eyes drifting to look blankly in front of him.

"She is my dearest friend." He finally replied.

"No... You're... You're _in_ love with her, aren't you?" She refrained from taking a step forward as he lowered his head, eyes slamming shut.

He remained silent.

"Ichabod... I-"

"I will not speak forth my affections to another before I have the chance to tell her of them first." His tone was low and streaked with pain. They stood like that a moment. His head bowed while Jenny opted to watch him quietly, arms wrapped around herself.

"Guys! I think I found something!"

And just like that, the emotionally vulnerable Crane evaporated. A steely resolved stole over his features as he turned his attention to the man walking in the door. Joe's stride was steady and determined. Jenny loved that walk; it meant he may have found something they needed.

She hoped it was _the_ thing they needed, for her sake, for _Abbie's_ sake. Jenny's eyes drifted over to the ghost-like man who moved to meet Joe half way, feeling as if she was seeing him for the first time. It was an unpleasant sight. She hoped this was the clue they needed, especially for the sake of the man who would do unspeakable things if his Lieutenant was gone.


End file.
